Tomorrow, I planned to launch a new cohort.

Today, I called it off.

Let me explain why.

The mistake I made

I started building the cohort 2 weeks ago. I was excited for a big launch. But during Christmas, I took 2 days off in a cabin without wifi to disconnect.

I thought reflecting in nature would leave me refreshed.

But instead, I returned to Buenos Aires feeling terrible.

I tried to keep working. I thought I was just being lazy. But after two days, my energy levels had reached a low I hadn’t experienced since being a dentist.

I really didn’t want to carry on.

Why?

Because I wasn’t writing my book.

I’ve barely missed a day on Magnetic Writing for 6 months now. I’m 3 drafts and 130,000 words deep. I told myself this cohort was in service of the book—that it would help teach the ideas.

But I was lying to myself.

In reality, the cohort was me playing it safe.

Because the book has been a hell of a challenge. I’ve spent around 600 hours on it. That comes at the cost of other business activities (for no guarantee of success). At first, the trade-off was easy. Writing books has always been my dream. But as time crawled by, my monkey mind began to freak out. Especially when I go on social media. Other people’s success only made me worry about my own.

The penny dropped when I was journaling during Christmas. I don’t need a big cohort to teach my book. My ego did.

Once I saw the story, I could no longer play the part.

Really, what I want is to do an extremely hard thing without paying the price.

Which is living in fairyland, and it’s a place many of us find ourselves in.

The enemy of focus

The biggest risk to doing your best work is not catastrophic failure. It is fear. I don’t mean being too scared to start (although that’s another story). I mean, being too scared to focus.

I began the cohort because I am scared of the book. I’m scared of making less money. I’m scared of looking stupid. I’m scared of what it would say about me if I fail.

And so instead of going all in, I hedge my bets.

But the irony?

Listening to your fear of failure only increases the odds of failure. You cannot do two things well. You must have the guts to give something a go.

The trap to look out for

I faced this same problem as a dentist.

I wanted badly to write. But my career was taking off, and I was making over $150,000. In society’s eyes, I was killing it. Which made it easy to ignore the fact I was f**king miserable—for a while, at least.

Quitting was the best decision of my life. There’s no feeling quite like betting on yourself. But pursuing your dream is not a one-time bet. You need to make it again and again. And the stakes only get higher. As the saying goes, the next level brings the next devil.

The cohort was the same trap in sexier clothing.

You must watch out for good opportunities masquerading as great ones. Because procrastination is a symptom of fear. And being productive is the most seductive form. You don’t have to face the fact that you’re on the wrong path when you’re running at 100 miles an hour.

But this is a trick of the ego. Being busy is good, so long as it keeps you safe.

But if you are spread too thin, it’s a sign you are too scared to commit.

So how do you say no when things get tough?

Let me give you what helped me.

First, and most importantly:

You need a north star

Nietzsche once said, "He who has a why can bear almost any how.”

To get what you want, you must get clear on what you want. Not what you’re told to want. Not what you’re expected to want. But the thing that, on your deathbed, you can look back and think:

“Hell yeah, I went for it despite the odds.”

For me, writing is that thing.

When I started writing, I wrote myself a message every morning about how I wanted to be a writer (I was in the ‘affirmation’ phase of personal development). And 5 years later, I love it even more. I want to spend as much time in my life writing because it feels right. When I start projects that make me write less, I move away from that want.

The more I focus on self-awareness, the more uncomfortable this feels.

But you don’t need to meditate to notice your mistake.

Because your calendar tells the truth.

Protect your time

When I started preparing the cohort, I told myself I could write the book, too. But after a week, I realised it was the same creative energy. So I told myself I’d take a 2-week break from the book. This might not sound like much, but I made the same choice earlier in the year with Productize Your Knowledge.

That stretched into 2 months.

You can say something is important, but if you have 5 commitments, you have no commitments. You have a to-do list.

The truth:

If you want to do your best work, you should get less busy over time. Not more.

The best way is to set constraints and stick to them. Start your day building your dream. For me, that’s 4 hours on the book. Whatever else I want to build has to happen afterwards. And if I can’t do it, then it doesn’t happen.

Welcome the fear

My main mistake in life is running away from fear.

I learned this habit when I was diagnosed with a brain tumour at 16 years old. The trauma taught me never to want to lose control again (as if we ever truly have it). I’ve been working on this a lot recently. And writing the book has been a magnifying glass on where I’m not thinking clearly.

The truth:

You are meant to be scared. Security is an illusion to keep you in the crowd. Fear is not something to run from, but towards. It’s a sign you’re on the right path. It’s where you feel most alive.

And honestly?

Once you realise that fear is not fatal, it’s fun too. The alternative is playing it safe, which is a polite way to say slowly dying.

The key is to welcome fear like an old friend. Because if you need to fight every time it rears its ugly head, you will eventually lose. You become a nervous, doubtful wreck. And that’s a sad way to live. Life is not a problem to solve but a joy to experience.

And the best joy comes from saying no.

The older I get, the more I realise that focus is the ultimate game of life.

But it’s not about the results. It’s about the person you become in the process.

On that note, I have a book to write.

Have a good new year,

Kieran